Testimonies:
If you would like to share your abortion testimony with Redeemed for Life for the purpose of encouraging others to seek healing from the abortion experience and to educate the general public and lawmakers about the harmful effects of legal abortion then please send us your story. You may remain anonymous and use only your initials or nickname or you may disclose your full name. Every testimony we receive will be posted on our website, however, only the name you choose will be used.
Send your testimonies to: info@redeemedforlife.com

Abortion Kills!

Not only does it kill an innocent child, but it kills a woman emotionally, spiritually and sometimes physically. Abortion kills hopes, dreams, relationships and a woman’s sense of self-worth. At least that is what it did to me. Not only did abortion kill 3 of my children but it killed a piece of me too.

My name is Amanda and this is my story. I got pregnant at the age of 15. My parents gave me a choice, abort my child or loose the support of my family. When I chose my baby I was kicked out of my home. I moved in with the father who was unwilling to financially support me. Desperate for help I called my mother. She told me I could starve to death, dig in a dumpster to eat, or have an abortion and come home. I felt abortion was my only option. My mother wouldn’t give me a dollar for a loaf of bread but she gave an abortionist $450.00 for the life of my child.

The right for me to choose was taken from me. I didn’t want to go through with the abortion. I was not given information about other options available to me. Nor, did anyone bother to tell me about the risks or the life long consequences of abortion. Instead, I was told that abortion was the best decision for me and it was too late to get a refund.
I was assured by my mother that everything would be o.k. Little did she know that on that day her daughter’s hopes, dreams, self-worth and chance at a normal life were killed along with my unborn child. Nothing would be “ok” for a LONG time.

After my abortion I tried to find relief through drugs, alcohol and sex. Those were my ways of masking the guilt, shame and depression. I hated everything. I hated life, my mom, God and myself. Nothing mattered anymore and to die seemed my only way out. I attempted suicide many times and the cycle of destruction continued. I suffered a failed marriage and bonding difficulties with my son. I had 2 more abortions which only escalated my cycle of destruction. I became more bitter, angry, hurt, ashamed and more suicidal. In 2001 I cried out to God and He answered me. He carefully laid out a plan for my healing. I experienced healing thru a PACE program at my local crisis pregnancy center and found hope again. The healing process is long and painful, but it is SO worth it.

Abortion is NOT a quick fix to a problem, it IS the problem. It is a crime against women and children. No longer can I stand by and remain silent. Though I am but one voice, I know I speak for many women who have had their children, hopes and dreams killed by this act of violence. It is time for the killing to stop!

A. C.
Texas

Our Loving and Forgiving Father, Jesus Christ!

Thank you very much for taking time out of your busy day to read this letter. This is my testimony on what a Loving Forgiving Father our Lord Jesus Christ is. At the age of 5, a family friend molested me. Then when I was in 2nd grade I was Saved and Baptized. When I was at the age of 9 my mother passed away. That is when I stopped going to church. I would be able to go to church a little here and there but not often. I was mad at God. I was a very rebellious teenager and thought the way any guy was ever going to love me, was if I allowed them to use me. I went through many of boyfriends and at 16 became pregnant and gave a baby girl up at birth for adoption. My path of rebellion was not over. I can remember now, as I look back, God was gently showing me the right choices. I was married at 18 and a daughter by 19 and was going through a divorce by the age 21. During my divorce I became pregnant and was very afraid, and I was having a very hard time just raising 1 child. I talked to a friend and the father of my unborn child and decided Abortion would solve my problem. I was still on my path of rebellion. I called the Abortion Clinic and went in that very next day. I remember being afraid and not understanding if this was the right thing to do. I asked the lady that was having me sign papers, if this was a baby yet, and would it hurt the baby. She told me it was not a baby and it wouldn’t feel anything and my problem would be over in about 20 minutes.

I remember when the doctor started I was very afraid this was not the right
thing to do and I felt tears falling down my face, but I ignored that feeling of this being wrong. I feel now the Holy Spirit was telling me don’t do this and I was ignoring what the Lord was telling me. When I felt the doctor ripping away my baby from my body, that very second, I felt my baby’s soul leaving me. I truly realized that it was a baby. And I had just killed my unborn child. I cried out to God to forgive for killing my baby. I remember wishing I would die right there. After this was done I went from rebellion to destruction. I began drinking and doing drugs. My self worth went to nothing and I lost custody of my 2 year old daughter to her father due to not being able to keep a job, and not caring about anything. My daughter was the most important person in my life before I had the Abortion, but after the abortion I felt I did not deserve to be a mother for what I had done. Now I realize if I would have made the Lord the most important person in my life everything would have worked out. We have such a Loving and Forgiving Father. I remarried and had another daughter and got custody of the daughter I lost during my self-destruction. My family started going to church and I rededicated my life to the Lord. I found Peace, but I knew deep down inside I did not have complete peace with the Abortion. I knew the Lord had forgiven me, but I could not forgive myself. We have such an Awesome God! My sister-n-law is a Board member at The Pregnancy Care Center in Plant City. I received a postcard that was sent to my sister-n-law’s address, but was put in my mailbox by the mail lady. I know it was not a mistake, it was the Lord. The postcard was about a Post Abortion Bible Study called Forgiven and Set Free. I went to the Bible study for 10 weeks and received true healing through the Lord’s word. We learned about how to forgive our selves so we are no longer bound by our anger, guilt, and shame. I feel I need to share this with as many women and men as possible. The shame and guilt from the Abortion was keeping me from serving the Lord with all my heart. Now I can truly say I have been Forgiven and I have Forgiven myself. I can now serve the Lord with All my heart focused on Him and How I can serve Him.
             “Set me free from my prison that I may Praise Your name."
                                                         Psalm 142:7a (NIV)
 
Sincerely,
 
Cindy

I Will Speak Up

I was 23 years old with a college education at the time of my abortion.

I was not provided any information regarding the medical risks of the procedure or the stage of development of my 10 week old fetus. It wasn't until 15 years later that I discovered that my "fetus" wasn't just a blob but actually had fingers and toes! I was in a time of crisis and didn't even know what questions to ask my doctor. I just ignorantly accepted what he told me, which was not any other than that they could do the procedure the following day and I could pay with Visa or Mastercard.

After 13 years of shame and guilt I finally stopped punishing myself and tried to get pregnant. After months of infertility I joyfully found out I was pregnant. I had my first ultrasound with this pregnancy at 7 weeks. Much to my shock and amazement, I could see very clearly, the beating heart of my tiny baby. Though it was a time joy, it was also a time grief. At that moment I realized that 13 years earlier I had willingly agreed to have the heart beat of another baby terminated. The grief was overwhelming. I finally began the process of confronting my grief that I had stuffed so carefully, 13 years before.

A few years ago I began to hear about the connection between the risk of breast cancer and terminated pregnancy. Yet another consequence to a decision I made in the crisis of the moment, without adequate information.

This coming February 22 will be twenty years since the termination of my first pregnancy. Every year this is always a day of mourning. Had I been informed by my doctor of the physical risks, never mind the emotional consequences, I might have made other choices, but at least the choices I made would have been more honest and well informed. I believe that the brochure provides a woman's right to know the risks involved in abortion.

Believe me, I do not want to reveal my past mistakes, but if it means that other women do not have to have the guilt and shame of making an uninformed choice that has their life at risk as well as that of the unborn child, then I will speak up. It is only by God's grace that I have the courage to do so.

I would like to thank everyone involved in creating and implementing the Women’s Right to Know Bill.

Planned "Barrenhood”

I was raped at the tender age of 13...it was awful, my virginity was stolen. Then I felt like I was being raped again when I had an abortion in a clinic while wide awake!! It was horrifying...I eventually dealt with the rape, but I bear the deep emotional pain of having had my own baby's life killed. He had a beating heart at three weeks, and perfect tiny arms and legs...the doctor lied to me, he wasn't a "clump of tissue" but a perfect human being.

Without the use of a coat hanger, the abortionist damaged my cervix and uterus so bad that I have not been able to get pregnant in the last 12 years! Not to mention the big lump removed from my left breast, and the fact that TWENTY EIGHT studies now link breast cancer to induced abortions due to the estrogen factor! See www.abortionbreastcancer.com, www.bcpinstitute.org

Pregnancy is not a disease or sickness; it is a natural outcome from a choice to have sex. Abortion is NOT a "medical necessity" and hundreds of women have DIED from legal abortions and millions of healthy babies have DIED!!!

It should be called Planned "Barrenhood," for that is exactly what that business is doing to healthy women.

Sincerely,

Denise

I was “Pro-Choice”
 
Many thanks and blessings for your recent series on the realities of abortion. Before I became a Christian, I was "pro-choice". I lived down the street from the abortion clinics that were attacked in Brookline, Massachusetts in 1996. I even interviewed for an office manager position in one of them, thinking that I would be helping desperate women. I despised the protesters who gathered on the street outside the clinics and felt resentful of the placards and signs they held up to shame and intimidate the clients. Even after I became a Christian and a mother, I was careful, sometimes even apologetic, about discussing my beliefs on abortion, for fear of alienating non-Christians. I thought it was enough to vote pro-life and work with unwed mothers. I told myself that it was better to focus on women who were already committed to preserving the lives of their babies.
 
I feel differently since seeing your series. I gave birth to my second daughter, Nina, six weeks ago. Her name means "grace" in Hebrew.
 
I often see your show on Daystar in the middle of the night while I'm feeding or caring for my Nina. I can't tell you how if affected me to see those images of the holocaust of the unborn while holding my newborn daughter in my arms. I must have hugged, kissed, and thanked the Lord for her hundreds of times during those shows. While I felt an impulse to change the channel, I forced myself to watch. I understand abortion now for what it truly is - the work of Satan. When all is said and done, abortion is akin to the crucifixion of Christ. It is the cruel and torturous murder of an innocent person for someone else's sins.  
 
Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart. I feel called to take a more active role in ending the holocaust and will be mailing my contribution to the NRLC.
 
God bless you, Marcus, and Daystar. Please continue to provide more excellent Christian programming. Believe it or not, there ARE Christians in Massachusetts.
 
Sincerely,
 
Elizabeth

The Truth About Abortion

After my abortion, I was struck with a horrible infection, which has caused me excruciating pain for over a year and half and debilitated my physical performance. My back was also damaged from the procedure.

I thought that I’d never have any more children because of my infection, but gratefully gave birth to a miracle baby.

I have to have a D & C now because of the pain from the infection.

I became severely depressed and became a recluse.

I was finally motivated to seek legal help and because of that have experienced much healing from my wounds because it finally allowed me the chance to talk about my abortion.

I am very grateful to the legislators, the Governor, the Texas Department of Health, and the Board of Health for taking great measures to help protect women by informing them of the truth about abortion.

Devastated by Abortion
My name is Luana and my life has been devastated by abortion.

I have had 3 abortions. I remember them as if it were only yesterday. I lay on the cold table with no anesthetic for the pain, staring at the ceiling, wishing I were someplace else. It seemed to last forever and the pain was unbearable. No amount of anesthetic could have dulled the pain in my heart and mind.

The types of abortions I had were the Vacuum Aspirator Method. I could hear by the increased labor of the suction machine when a part or limb of my baby was being extracted. Each time I tried to look at the jar with my babies remains they would push me back down. To this day I still hear that haunting suction sound.

Those abortions changed my life forever. I realized I would never hold or see those 3 children. I became angry and depressed. I started drinking heavily, doing drugs, and attempted suicide 3 times.

Years later I found out that those 3 would be the only children I would ever bear. Why did that abortion doctor tell me my children were only a blob of tissue, and that it would be safer to abort then to carry them to term? The abortions destroyed my tubes and ovaries and caused me to be infertile.

Everyday I live with the reality that the only children I will ever bear I killed.

Today I am still living the effects of those abortions. Just 2 years ago I had a hysterectomy because of the sever damage caused from the suction procedure.

The only way I have been able to live through this nightmare is that I have come to know my Lord Jesus Christ. He has forgiven me and set me free. 2Corth. 5:17 says… Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature, the old things are passed away; behold new things have come.

There has never been a day that I don’t regret the “choices” I made to have those abortions, or think about those 3 children and who they would have been. Abortion didn’t solve my problems it only created more. I am still a mother it’s just that my 3 children are dead.

I want the world to know the harmful, horrible effects of abortion and how it destroys lives, so I WILL BE SILENT NO MORE.

**Luana and her husband Steve have been married since 1985. They live in Davenport with their son Zachary. Zachary was adopted from India at the age of two. They attend and are in leadership at Calvary Church of the Quad Cities.
Luana has been involved with the Crisis Pregnancy Center’s in the Quad Cities. She has also been a board member, and media spokes person for the Life and Family Coalition. She is currently active in Operation Outcry: Silent No More.
Her heart is to show others the love and mercy of Christ by telling people what the Lord has done in her own life. She shares through public speaking and giving her testimony how the Lord literally picked her up from a life of drugs, alcohol and abortions, and placed her on His lap of “Grace.”

"WHY, Should I Have any Trouble?"
All across America, women, men, and families have been deceived by abortion. For 29 years, I have regretted believing the lies.  In Jan.1973, married with 4 children at 28, and under pressure, I made the 'poor choice' of abortion.  I didn't realize that I had become a mother 'At Fertilization'.  At 'planned parenthood', I was given No information on 'fetal/child' development---Not even a pregnancy test.  The word abortion was not spoken---no information on the procedure, 'risks, consequences'.  I was told, "If you have trouble with it afterwards, there is counseling".  I wondered, "WHY, should I have any trouble?" 

The Truth:  Following my abortion, my womb was removed due to damage; this led to estrogen deprivation and a very hard menopause.  Legalizing abortion never made it 'safe' nor 'good for women'.  The night before my 'poor choice', I asked, "God, is there anything wrong in what I am going to do? Man says 'it isn't even life'. What do You say?"  In the morning, a clerk called, "The doctor has to cancel"---’my appointment'---I wasn't listening.  I made another appointment!  In the waiting room with me were three other women. Two of them, like my self, were in their twenties, married and mothers of other children. I could overhear their conversation: "This is our second and it is too soon". Reply, "This is our third and we only want two". The third woman appeared younger and was crying.  I said nothing and felt nothing; shut down, I was in denial!  1 1/2 yrs later, I knew 'beyond the shadow of a doubt' that I was responsible for the death of my child.  My heart's Cry, "Oh, God, I've murdered!" brought forgiveness, peace!  

Today, my husband and I agree our 'poor choice' to abort was the worst decision we ever made. Today, I love my country because I have chosen to forgive all involved in my abortion; including, myself and those responsible for legalizing wrong. Abortion never was right!   God loves us so much that He gave His Son, Jesus, to pay our debt of sin.  Jesus, Himself, bore our sin on His own body on the cross, to offer us forgiveness, to take our guilt and shame, to free us to Be Silent No More!  Abortion hurts women, men, families, our nation---America, Be Silent No More! There is help, hope, healing. If you have been hurt by abortion call:  1-866-4-OUTCRY                   

Feeling Hopeful for Forgiveness

I was flipping through the TV channels today and there was a segment about the Outcry for Life. Molly White was speaking about her own abortion experiences and I was so moved. Normally when I see the anti-abortion segments on TV I feel so guilty and sick for my mistake. Seeing Molly White talking of her own past mistakes made me feel so hopeful of forgiveness. I used to be a regular church attending individual but because of my horrendous mistake I have felt guilty to return. I would love to know how I could help the cause. Please e-mail me about what I can do.

M. V.

People Need to Know That We do Regret Our Abortions!

I would just like to say thank you for all that you do to reach out to the women all over this Country who's lives have been devastated by abortion.  Perhaps this post-abortion movement will enable our great Country to also one day regain the healing integrity with moral principal that once DID defined our Medical Professionals.

As a women who understands all too well this post-abortion confusion, pain and life saving recovery (that must be Christ centered), I can not understand the silence, apathy or ACCEPTANCE of this violent offence against women in crisis and unborn children in the womb by any one person in any area of the Medical Profession.  These such persons in my estimation are no longer defined by such adjectives as educated, dedicated, having integrity, or professional. 
 
Webster Dictionary defines casualty as, an accident involving bodily injury or death. A soldier lost through enemy action.  Soldiers who die defending their country are casualties because they were trained to fight the enemy but they were overcome in some way.  These children who are lost to abortion today are not casualties they are innocent victims.  This is a war against unborn helpless victims.  The women of today who are not educated about what they will risk before they undergo an abortion are also victims.  Our laws are there to defend the victims of violence and institute legal proceedings against the person or persons guilty of the crimes. May God in His mercy turn this around one day to where we should be for the health of the family and for all of our souls.
 
I speak openly about my own abortion experience today because women need to know, Doctors need to know, Pastors need to know and people in the political arena need to know that we do regret our abortions!
 
May God bless you for women and children
Pattie

Women Regret Their Abortions, Use Pain to Help Others

Harrisburg, PA (LifeNews.com) -- Hazel wishes she had listened to her mother. After the birth of her third daughter, she found herself unexpectedly pregnant again. "Only one person told me not to have an abortion, and that was my mother," Hazel says, recalling the tragic incident which would shape her life for years to come. "People can say some cruel things when you're not strong enough to fight them off emotionally. The few people I knew fed my insecurity," she said, counseling her to have an abortion. Following the death of her unborn child, Hazel attempted to numb her pain with alcohol, but the grief would not go away. "So one night as I lay aching for my baby, as I did so many nights, asking the Lord to forgive me for what I had done, I had what you may call a vision. I call it a visit from my future grandson. "That night in a half (awake) state I saw a tall, light complexioned, very thin little boy about 12 years old. He did not speak, but oh my, did we communicate. I opened my eyes to peace and forgiveness." Three days later, her third daughter, who was then 17, revealed that she was pregnant. "Well, I told her it was going to be a boy. He would be tall and skinny, light skin. Not the ending but the beginning." Hazel's grandson did not have an easy early life. He was born at 26 weeks -- the age at which some babies are aborted. He ended up spending three months in the neonatal intensive care unit of a hospital. "I visited him almost daily, reading him a spiritual and healing book. It got to the point that he would lift his head when he heard my voice in the NICU," Hazel said. While the little boy did experience some health problems and developmental delays, he managed to survive. He's six now, and Hazel, who grieved for so many years for the child she lost to abortion, is now raising him.
http://www.lifenews.com/nat408.html

Haunted by my abortions
My decision to abort two of my children has haunted me to the point of such depression that I thought I would never recover. I regret these decisions and have dedicated my life to educating women and men on the devastation caused by the decriminalization of abortion.

I had my first abortion at the tender age of 18. I had suspected that I might be pregnant and went to Planned Parenthood for a test. Once the test came back positive, the “counselor” could tell I was upset. She took me into a room and explained my “options”. As I remember it, there was only one “choice”. I could have an abortion and everything would be back to normal. All it would take is a couple hundred dollars. Truly, I did not ask any more questions. It seemed like the right thing to do. I had been raised in the church, but had never been exposed to the truth of life. I had remembered a conversation I had with my mother about a miscarriage she had. I asked her if she had been sad, and she said that she never considered it to be a baby, so neither did I.

The abortion was performed in Austin. I don’t remember much about the building itself, but I do remember every sound that machine made, and the nurse holding the nitrous oxide over my mouth. I kept waiting to see the doctor, and I asked a few times when he would be coming in to examine me. He never came. Someone, who I must assume was a nurse, examined me. She asked me questions and gave me a “relaxation aide”. I swallowed the pill, and was taken into the procedure room. The room was cold. I got onto the table, and the nurse told me to breathe the gas and she was right there if I needed her. The sound of the suction from that machine will forever be in my memory. The pain of my baby being ripped right out of the very place God had designed to protect it will always be with me. I remember laughing from the gas as this man, a doctor, one I had never talked to killed my baby. Then the tears came, not from guilt – not yet – but from pain!

As I left the abortion clinic, I was told that everything would be ok and there was really nothing to worry about. I was bleeding and that too would stop, but if it didn’t then I might want to go to the emergency room.

My life from that day, from that one decision would never be the same. I had no idea how hurtful it was to my spirit. I sunk into a deep depression. I quickly moved from my parent’s home and started living a life that was fast and dangerous. This self-destructive behavior almost killed me on more than one occasion. I would not make the connection of abortion to depression until 19 years later and after another abortion at the age of 33. This one decision made such a negative impact on me and my family, this decision that was supposed to make everything better, made everything worse than I ever thought it could be.

There is much story, too much to cover on this page. The good news is that God never left me, he never has forsaken me, he was always there waiting on me and gently nudging me to His way of thinking. His grace and mercy have given me the opportunity to share His love with others. He has called me to speak about the shame that kept me silent and helped the abortionist to continue killing babies, destroying families and generations. The truth about abortion is simple – it kills – it kills more than babies, it destroys hope, happiness, love, tenderness, mercy and joy. The killing has to stop!

I Was Told It Was Only Tissue
I watch your show as often as possible.  Today, Labor Day, I happened to be home alone in the afternoon with nothing on TV and came across your show on Daystar with Molly White. 

I want to thank you so much for airing this controversial subject of abortion. I am 41 years old, I had an abortion at 16.  I was told the same as Molly, it was only tissue and would just take a minute and life would be okay.  After seeing the graphic pictures you showed, I realized that it really was a baby, formed.  I never knew this.   Pictures speak a thousand words.  Maybe if more clinics showed these pictures and gave options to girls like me, I wouldn't have done what I did.

I took Jesus into my heart in February of this year.  Today, I asked God for forgiveness for this sin.  I buried it from the time it happened until now.  I just never knew that it was actually a human being, does that make sense?  I thought I was just getting rid of some tissues.

Again, thank you soooooo much for your show and all the topics you speak of.  You are truly a woman of God and I admire you so much.
God bless you! K

But It Was Too Late!
My Name is DeeDee and I am from McAllen, Texas. I strongly support the Parental Notification Law.

I was fifteen years old when a teacher began to seduce me. By age sixteen I had entered into a secret, sexual relationship with him. Despite his method of birth control (the tracking of my periods) I got pregnant. He alluded to having made provisions in prior relationships and helped me arrange an abortion. Not quite seventeen, I drove to Harlingen in his car with his three hundred dollars in my purse. He told me this was my only option.

His grip on me combined with my fear that I would be found out allowed me to believe the deception. He told me no one would understand; that what we had together was special. He warned me that my parents would think I was “bad” when what we had was good and could only get better once I “took care of things”. This exploitation lasted another year after the abortion.

Putting all that behind me I found a nurturing, hardworking man who proposed on bended knee. However, after I became a mom the horror of the abuse invaded my “perfect world”. I imagined my own daughter in the situation I had been in. The truth was that a 42- year old man was manipulating a minor girl for his sick gratification and getting rid of the “evidence”. This predator was protecting himself and I was so involved that I was willing to protect him too.

I recognize now that I made an irreversible, medically precarious decision to kill my baby. I admit that I realized it then too. But it was too late. I drove home alone that day with these words settling in like a fog around me, “no one will ever want you now”; “you’re the worst kind of mother, killing your own baby just to protect your reputation”. Unlike some might say, the prospect of suicide didn’t come at the thought of having to involve my parents, it followed me home from the abortion clinic. It reminded me that all my sadness could be over if I just turned the wheel…

I was persuaded my parents would condemn me but I was wrong. I told my mom five years ago and her reaction surprised me. In words of compassion she told me that she was so sorry that she hadn’t been there for me. Wait a minute; was it all for nothing?
As a parent I know now that I could never turn my child away if she were in trouble. I just couldn’t see clearly back then. Now I see plainly the influence of the adult, manipulative mind of an abuser with a reputation at stake, and possible incarceration.

I wholly believe this law deters abuse. He knew he could legally arrange and pay for abortions for others and myself without the fear of being discovered. In fact, the abortion was a tool he used to protect himself with the added result of allowing him to continue the abuse. This law also has the capability of coming to the aid of abused girls through conscientious and accurate reporting. A judge or attorney could protect girls like me who are now approaching the courts at the prompting of an abuser.

I don’t know that my parents wouldn’t have chosen an abortion. They may well have. But at least I would have had the counsel of people who wanted what was best for me; and sought what was medically safe and acceptable for me. This teacher would have been exposed… and stopped.

Nothing can be done about the tragic events of my youth except to learn from them. As a victim, I ask you to continue to support laws that stop sexual exploitation of young girls. As a mother, I seek family involvement in the abortion decisions of our daughters.

The Biggest Mistakes of My Life
I had two abortions over 20 years ago.  The reason I had two is that I was never told that I would be very fertile and got pregnant right after the first.  The abortions were the biggest mistakes of my life.  Not a day goes by that I don't regret my decisions.  I do not have children and never will because after the second I never was able to get pregnant again.  All my siblings have children, except me because of a stupid decision I made years ago.
 
I would never have had the first abortion if it was not legal.  I would have been too scared to break the law or have an illegal abortion performed.  I would have lived with the fact that I was going to have a baby and dealt with that.  Instead I took the "easy" way out.  The problem with easy then is the hard now of living the rest of my life with the horrible choices I made years ago.
 
I am going to sign only my initials because, even though a lot of my friends and family know this about me, it still remains something I am very ashamed of and would never want to be common knowledge about me.  I would never lie about it if asked, but it certainly is a dark part of my past.  I thank God for His love and forgiveness and I look forward to seeing my babies in Heaven.
  E.R.

Fresh “New” Start
It took me about 12 years before I ever started facing the abortions I had, I believe a lot of women have gone through the same thing. Because this was “My Secret” and I couldn’t tell anyone, what would they think?

Once I started dealing with my abortions, I realized all the emotional and mental trauma that goes with having an abortion, this effects the whole person. I’ll list just some of the effects of my abortions. Depression, I wanted to sleep all the time, day after day, I’d only get up if I knew my husband or children were about to come home. I would cry a lot for no reason, I would have fits of rage or anger so severe I would take it out on my older 2 children on a daily basis. I felt as if I was just going through life, like I was in a daze, not having a goal or reason to ever start the day. I would push my 2 children away, I didn’t want to hug them, after all what kind of mother would have an abortion? I would sometimes think it wasn’t worth living, how could anyone ever love me after I murdered God’s children? I would even be riding in a car and see children about the ages of my children, and wonder what they looked like. I didn’t hold them or even give another woman the chance to raise them. I had a poor self-image, and no one had to or needed to tell me what a bad person I was, for having an abortion I did a pretty good job of this myself. I couldn’t let myself live it down. I was filled with sorrow, shame and deep, deep grief. I remember, just talking to someone about my abortion I would cry so uncontrollably, this happen for years and years.

When, I had my abortions I was 19 and 23 years old, I am now 50 years old. Some of the reasons I chose to have these abortion are: I already have 2 children I can’t raise another one, how can I afford this (lie), I can’t have a baby and give it away (lie), who will love me if I have 3 children (lie), its not really a baby so its o.k. to have an abortion (lie). I chose to believe the lies. When a young girl, or a teenager or a women become pregnant, no matter where she is in life, God has already provided a way for the mother to make the right choices for her and her baby and it is not an abortion.

I don’t live in regret anymore, I have a true relationship with God and I am forgiven for now and ever-more. I can now talk about my abortion without crying because my heart, mind and soul are whole again!

I am now privileged to teach an abortion recovery class, called Fresh “New” Start. I tell anyone who will listen how to avoid the pit falls of life. I’ve been married now for 21 years, I married my best friend, we did it God’s way.
Thanks for Your Time,

“BARB”

I Wish to Help
I wish to help, if possible, to help those who have had abortions although I was recently baptized and reborn myself.  I was an ordained Tibetan nun for 13 years and lost my 101 yrs. old grandmother this summer.  She was a child of God and taught for over half a century to children including myself.  When she passed away I was just so drawn to the Lord and had so very much to be forgiven for from my emotionally negative life and a victim of incest by 3 family members from birth to age 15 when I finally rebelled.

I married and had a miscarriage from my husband beating me in a drunken stupor at the age of 19.  I left him and ended up back in CA where I had graduated from high school and was planning to become a missionary but ended up hopping a train with the first hippies I ever saw and that started my life of drugs.  I started drinking at age 9 to cover my hurting from my beatings following rape by my step father but did not do drugs until I was on that freight train.

I got pregnant and had an abortion during the 60's as it was a tubal pregnancy and I had no way to support the child which was almost guaranteed to have massive birth defects from my drug use at that period of my lost life. I also had a miscarriage from using toxic paint from not knowing how dangerous it was.  This was the hardest part my life as the boy was 5.5 months in the womb and I dreamed he died and knew it was a male child.  I awoke and told the nurse the baby was dead and he was.  I pray that these children have forgiven me for denying them life.   

In 1967 I became a Tibetan Buddhist, got pregnant in 1969 and kept my wonderful daughter, then became pregnant again in 1976 and kept my wonderful son Jack.
My years of being a nun were filled with empty prayers for forgiveness as I did not pray to the ONE who is Lord and prayed to the many deities of the Buddha’s instead.  I kept using drugs and following the birth of my son moved with the 2 children with different absent fathers to Seattle Washington in 1978. The Dalai Lama says that we westerners should not be Buddhists as it is our heritage to be Christians and he is totally right on that but it took me years to see the light and losing the one I love the most in life besides my children, my grandmother.

I took my ordination or nuns vows (there are over 300 for women if you keep going with this path) and lived a drug free life and kept in touch with my Grandmother all these years.  She and her prayer groups prayed for me all those years and I am so grateful and full of wonder that God did not give up on me and had patience with my wayward life.
I was baptized on my grandmother’s birthday following her death and the joining of her with her Savior and love of her life Jesus.  So I am a baby now and may not have much to help others with but surely wish to help if possible.

I am in late stages with liver disease and head a national non profit to educate others about Hepatitis C and also have done much prison ministry as a Buddhist with the Department of Corrections here in WA.  Now I hope to continue but with my precious Savior and Lord Jesus.

I listen for God's voice and pray for guidance on this path of Love.  I was sitting in the Rec Room where I live one day alone and crying over losing my grandmother and prayed for divine intervention, within a week a woman entered my life and gently urged me to "Give Jesus a try" and the miracle happened for me and I am now a baby Christian.
  
Sandra

It Will Make You Feel Better
I obtained birth control pills at a Planned Parenthood in Fort Dodge, IA on May 3, 1988.  By August, my family doctor confirmed I was pregnant.  The first day of my LMP was May 15.  My original plan was to place the baby for adoption, but was under pressure to abort from others.  I called the Des Moines Planned Parenthood for information on abortion.  The receptionist asked how far along I was.  When I said I was already about three months along, there was a sense of urgency.  The PP receptionist scheduled an abortion for the next day.  In the counseling room at PP, the counselor said to me, "You seem sad."  I started to cry.  She handed me a little white pill and said, "Take this, It will make you feel better."  I was pretty much out of it until I felt the excruciating pain of the abortionist's tools.  I never met the abortion doctor, he did not even speak to me. 

In subsequent pregnancies, I have experienced abruption of the placenta, ectopic pregnancy, two c-sections because of a damaged cervix and had a benign tumor removed from my breast at age 29.

I believe I was up to 16 weeks pregnant at the time of my abortion.  If this is true, that means that PP illegally performed a second trimester abortion on me.  I cannot confirm this because the Des Moines PP does not have me on their computer.  They claim there are no records indicating I was a patient there. 

Justine

I Regret My Abortions
My first abortion was in 1973. I was a fifteen year old run-away, and I had no way to support myself, much less a baby. I didn’t want my family to find out, or my friends. I decided to have an abortion because I couldn’t even take care of myself. The clinic staff quoted me a fee, and encouraged me to do the responsible thing.

I didn’t know that there were people who would have helped me. I felt trapped and just wanted a way out of my problems. I knew abortion was wrong, but I rationalized that in my case it was okay. I wasn’t prepared for the pain, and I wasn’t prepared for seeing my child. At 18 weeks, I saw a tiny little baby; a girl. After the abortion, I felt dirty and ashamed of what I had done. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw that little face. Even now after 30 years, I still can see her face. I had horrible dreams and hated myself for what I had done. I turned to drugs and constant partying to keep from thinking about what I did. My life turned into a nightmare. I became involved in the pornography industry.

I became pregnant eight months after the first abortion, and had another abortion. This time I didn’t cry. I hated looking in the mirror and became a bitter and angry young woman. I attempted suicide twice by the time I was 17. And at 19, I had another abortion.

The kindness of God is that He reached down and rescued me. He set my feet on solid ground and pulled me out of the sea of misery that I was in. His mercy was offered to me, because His son, Jesus Christ, died on a cross for my sins, and took my punishment.

I regret my abortions, and I regret keeping silent all these years, allowing the abortion industry to continue to hurt other women, and I am speaking out now, to all of those who have had an abortion, that there is help and healing and victory through Jesus.
If you are hurting after an abortion, call 866-482-Life for help.

Let those of us who have found healing and restoration, help you find it too.

Carole

My decisions
My decisions to abort two of my children were not based on facts, because I was not given any. My decisions were not based on choices, because I was not given any. My decision to abort my first child was based on fear and lack of information. My decision to abort my third child was based on pressure from the father and family members. For thirteen years I emotionally ran from those memories. Denial, justification, and suppression were the defense mechanisms that helped me to cope. Alcohol and drugs were the means to help me to numb the pain. Broken relationships, bonding issues with my living children, low self esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts, guilt, and anxiety were the results. I suffered physically as well. Cervical damage caused me to have to deliver my living children by c-section, I suffered a miscarriage, and ten years ago had to have a hysterectomy.

Healing from abortion is long and painful. Twenty-two years have passed and now I think of the grandchildren that I will be missing because two of my children were aborted. I never regretted being a mother, I will always regret choosing abortion. Women deserve better than abortion. I will be silent no more, abortion hurts women.

Molly S. White
Executive Director
Redeemed for Life Ministries
122 N. Penelope St.
Belton, Texas 76513
(254)933-8416 (off.)

My Daughter Had an Abortion
My daughter had an abortion when she was 16. She got a judicial bypass for it, but was mentally injured and there’s a possibility that she could be physically injured from the abortion. She wasn’t allowed to walk during her second pregnancy because of pain in her cervix. She still can’t walk very far even now because of the pain in her cervix (doctors are currently looking at her records to see if abortion was the cause).

She had a mental health history—she’d been hospitalized four times before the abortion. She was on depression medication when she had the abortion. She informed the facility that she was on depression medications, but they still performed the abortion on her, which caused her to spiral downward. She became suicidal, bulimic, self-mutilating, and sunk into deeper manic depression. She has had to be hospitalized four times after the abortion also.

I want to make sure that women are informed of what an abortion can cause, to ensure their safety and inform them of the consequences. These rules will do a sufficient job of informing women of the consequences of abortion.

I would like to thank the people that carried House Bill 15 and implemented the regulations. This gives women an opportunity to know the truth about abortion.

I Spent About 10 Years of My Life Trying to Numb the Pain
I had an abortion in 1983 and I had no idea how empty and depressed I would feel. I was never told of any help available to me. I aborted because I was scared and alone.

Even though this was a 2nd trimester abortion, I called the office one afternoon and had the abortion the next morning. I was never given any information or time to think about my choice. My “doctor” was my OB and knew that I was planning to carry to term. When I got scared and called about an abortion, he did not even ask me the reason for my ambivalence.

If I had known that my life and circumstances were putting me into such great risk of trauma, I definitely would not have made the choice. I really wanted my baby. What I really needed was help to get started as a mother. I had already had another abortion earlier, and I had never grieved the loss of that child. I think now that I was trying to replace the child that I had aborted first. I was traumatized because of multiple unresolved grief issues. I was not told that I was any greater risk because of my earlier abortion.

I thought I could end the torment of the dilemma by having an abortion. What I found out is that I entered into much greater torment of depression, grief, and guilt. This torment lasted over 10 years of my life. I do not understand why it is imperative that a person be informed of the risks of any other type of medical procedure, but not of abortion.

I am now a productive responsible citizen, but I spent about 10 years of my life trying to numb the pain of my abortion through drugs, alcohol, and unhealthy relationships. It affected my ability to trust, it impacted my future marriage, and it affected my parenting of the 3 daughters birthed within my marriage. In 1990, I had a spiritual awakening, and realized exactly what the abortions had been. I found the Son of God to be alive and real. He has been my healer.

If I had known that there was help available and what the psychological risks of abortion are, I wouldn’t have chosen to abort and I would have been saved from a decade of emotional turmoil.

I am so privileged to be a part of this day, when Texas women finally have the right to make an informed choice. I thank my representatives and the governor for signing this legislation and protecting the women of Texas.

“Ruhamah” One who has received mercy.
It’s now over 30 years ago now since David & I chose to live together as a couple. I chose, however not to accept the biggest consequence of this life: the life of our unborn child. My reaction to becoming pregnant was ruthlessly independent. I refused any idea of my family’s involvement or of David’s wishes to accept the baby.

The abortion was my way out, my way to remain me.

Ten years later, David & I had married, even become Christians, with two lovely daughters & later a son. Of course the memories of our aborted child surfaced & together we had to face the harsh reality of our actions years ago. We faced the issues with the Protector of the weak, (our child’s Protector), The Righteous Judge, The Great Shepherd, and our Merciful Saviour: the One who never leaves us or forsakes us even when we have to come to terms with the kind of sin that abortion is.

In 1991 I was pregnant with our next daughter ( approx 10 week foetus).We were at a Christian family camp, Derek Prince was teaching & led a deliverance service . I understood clearly that I was responsible for the murder of my own child. I had opened myself up to anger & rebelled against the love of my family. As I repented & responded for deliverance from murder, I began to bleed heavily. David & our pastor prayed with me, I became very aware of a rising anger toward God in my heart, I shouted words of venom & hate. I think I needed to be reminded of the seeds in my heart that led to the aborting of a child I should have loved, cherished & known as a person. My rejection of God’s love & law that I had known as a child led to the brutality of a termination.

The bleeding became so heavy that David took me to hospital. Initial examinations gave us little hope for the babe to be alive. However, we both felt that the Lord had really called us to have one more child & David prayed in faith with others back at the camp. The Lord gave a word to a few people at the meeting to encourage us to believe that the little one was fine. (David was also given a word by one of Derek Prince’s granddaughters: she had a picture of our aborted daughter at home with the Lord. What Mercy of Father in giving that reassurance to us.)

The following day a scan was arranged, our two daughters (aged 12 & 10) came with David. We all saw, the size of a 50p piece maybe, our baby doing cartwheels… The medical staff was very surprised. Relief, joy, surprise, thankfulness & praise to our Faithful & Merciful Father, showing kindness to the generations.

In due course our little miracle was born well & healthy. And now her name ….David had been reading Hosea around the time of her birth & was very moved by the name God gave Hosea to call his second child- Lo-Ruhamah, Lo being the negative, the name means One who has not received Mercy. The name was a prophetic sign to the people of Israel – it meant one who has not received mercy in a specific situation. Israel was under a time of judgement at this point, but at the same time the Lord was a calling them to repent & return to Him, to seek his face & his Mercy. A few years previously the Lord had given us a heart to pray for His people Israel, that they should know their Messiah who is still calling to them, still wooing them. In Hosea the Lord was speaking to us on several levels, at once: the judgement due our own personal sin, comparing it with the spiritual adultery of the nation of Israel, facing us with the punishment due the cowardly brutality of our sin and yet promising, on repentance, a wonderful reconciliation and restoration. Chapter 2v1 “Say to your brethren Ammi (my people) And to your sisters Ruhamah (Mercy is shown to you)”( NASB); v14 “I will allure her…..speak comfort to her”;V23 “And I will have compassion on her who had not obtained compassion,,,And they shall say You are My God.”

Humanly, we are able to forgive ourselves of some sins. Abortion is not one of those sins. However, the Lord enables us to look outside of ourselves, to His face, to receive His forgiveness, His unreserved pardon, a supernatural exchange takes place. We hear His Word and hear His still voice, cleansing us, strengthening us and even forbidding us to allow the “accuser” to bind us with guilt and shame again. The Lord teaches us to hold onto His precious forgiveness, because of His costly sacrifice, His precious blood shed for us. We have to hold very tight at times, and we find the Lord never (does) leave us or forsake us, we need to find those “everlasting arms,” They will be there. God’s goodness does not finish here! A few years later a friend looked into the root meaning of the word “Ruhamah”. He discovered that the root word in Hebrew conveyed the sense of cleansing, particularly of the womb!
Who can compare with Our God, the God of Abraham, and Isaac & Israel.

Janet and David May 2005.

I Longed to Talk to Someone
For years after my abortion I longed to talk to someone who would legitimize the pain I felt. I was filled with guilt and shame and deeply mourned the baby I had lost in silence. Our society does not speak about abortion, unless it is in the context of the political debate.

I wish that Planned Parenthood president Gloria Feldt and NARAL Pro Choice America President, Kate Michelman were also vocal about women who are left sterile or with a perforated uteruses or damaged colons after their abortions. I wish we would hear their voices when doctors botch abortions and than abandon the patient, as recently happened in Georgia. Those in favor of “choice” want to silence our voices while at the same time screaming about women’s rights.

Theresa
Harrison, NY